Moving out (part 2)

A couple of weeks later, my mom and I went to the possible group home for an evening. I met the caregiver at the home again, my new roommate (potentially), and the group home coordinator.  We talked about the areas I needed help and how I would continue with PACE during weekdays. There was a house tour and the layout reminded me of Charmaine's house in Lethbridge—the first one she had moved into for university after leaving home—which made it feel more familiar to me.  I could tell by the roommate’s body language that she didn't like change or a new person moving in to her house. The caregiver reassured me that she would accept me in time, but I felt like I was intruding on her territory. 

When I received the funding to move into the group home, I spent the weekend there.  My roommate was out during the day so the caregiver and I went out on our own, but I don't remember much about what we did.  I also needed to buy a new bed set: sheets, a mattress, a frame, everything.  I had been using the bed at my parent's house forever and I asked for a new bed when I moved out.  My new room was unfurnished so I needed the bed and a desk for my desktop computer.

February 5^th, 2000 was the big move-in day! I moved all my stuff in, got my room set up, and said goodbye to my family in the same day. It went smoothly and quickly. My family helped me move in and my mom confessed she cried the entire drive home.  I'll confess I didn't shed a single tear about moving out.  Of course I was sad to not have my family around me every day.  It was strange not having my sisters lying on the couch when I arrive home.  It was also scary because my family had been with me since I was born and now they were in Airdrie. I became used to it though and was excited for the independence. I spent my first evening in the group home watching TV with my caregiver in the living room because the TV in my room wasn't hooked up yet.

It took time adjusting to everyone’s schedules and habits. However, it was easier to catch up with friends because most of my friends were living in Calgary. Our meals in the group home were larger and very good; my mom is a good cook but my caregiver lived in the Caribbean so I tried a lot of new dishes.

Moving out (part 1)

We don't know how much time we have on this earth, so I want to spend my time with my loved ones and friends. But this is difficult when you’re reliant on other people; it’s easier when you’re independent. This was one of the reasons I made up my mind to move out of my parents house into a group home when I turned eighteen.

I lived in a group home for approximately eleven years and I was able to go out with friends and have a life of my own. However, there were limitations.  At that time it meant that I was allowed to go out with friends but it was inconvenient because it was necessary to check with my parents and to get permission according to the rules of the home.  Although the group home was a good transition for me, it is better now that I live with my best friend.  There is ample opportunity to enjoy time with my family and friends but I have the freedom to choose when and how I spend my time.

After I graduated from high school, my parents and I began to research my options of living arrangements. As Airdrie didn't have any resources available, we decided that moving from Airdrie to Calgary would be the best move. My parents heard about a group home from a lady who had helped me get into PACE. We wanted to check it out and learn more about it.

I met up with my possible future caregiver and a lady who lived in a different group home.  She was about my age and was also in a wheelchair because of CP. I saw where she was living and had a chance to ask her opinion about living in a group home.  I was already feeling a mixture of happiness and sadness but, after speaking with the lady, my level of excitement grew as I realized my dream was getting closer.  We had already started the process for funding before meeting with her, and it was going along without a problem. I wanted to eventually live in my own place but knew that a group home would be a great stepping-stone for this goal.

A good friendship

Laura and I have been friends for fourteen years now. I met her in Between Friends Club where she was leading a program for adults to socialize. The club aims to provide recreation and social activities to people with and without disabilities.  Her program was every Friday night but she missed the first event and I missed the next two.  We finally connected on the fourth event, a movie night showing "Simon Birch".  She made me laugh all through the movie with her comments and funny facial expressions.

One autumn, Between Friends Club made a trip to William Watson Lodge because a lot of us never had the opportunity to go camping. The weather was a little cool and we stayed there for one night. After setting everything up, we all walked down to the lake. Laura and I were already good friends and she was one of three leaders.  I had dared Laura to dunk me in the lake to see for myself what she would do when we were around other campers.  I wanted to test her to see how good a friend she was. She said, "No, it's too cold."

This started us on a long exchange of teasing that we kept up all the way back to the lodge.  As a leader, she had the keys to open and close the lodge doors. She arranged it so I would be the last person in but then she closed the door before I could enter and locked me outside!   My boyfriend at the time was also locked outside with me.  We tried to convince his roommate to unlock the door but the roommate was always on Laura's side, so our attempt was unsuccessful.  We tried to race around to the back door but Laura reached it ahead of us and locked that door too!

I asked my boyfriend to go back to the other side and have someone unlock the door.  Laura heard us conspiring against her and asked,  "Are you lying to me because you need to get back in?"  "No!" he yelled back. He made it back around the other side and someone opened the door for him.  I had to ask one of the other leaders to unlock the door for me.  As a final revenge, Laura filled a bucket with water while I was in the bathroom.  I opened the door and was immediately soaked through!  I tried to top that prank but I quickly realized I couldn’t ever beat it.

Later that evening, we were trying to find somewhere quiet to talk. There were two rooms joined by a door; every time we switched into the quieter room, everyone followed us into that room and made it noisy.  We switched back and forth a few times before giving up and dealing with the noise.  I never had a really close friend before her and now I can call her my best friend. The closest I ever had to a best friend was my best friend from Denmark in elementary school.

A quick note about transportation (part 2)

When Access Calgary picks me up, I can wait inside a lobby or building instead of a cold bus stop outside. They have accessible buses that have no problem accommodating my wheelchair.  On a regular bus I can only sit in the first section but anyone with a stroller or walker also needs that section to sit. It fills up quickly, especially in rush hour.

One day, my facilitator and I needed to take public transit to an office party. After walking to the c-train station, we needed to travel downtown and then transfer to a bus.  We picked a bus stop that was quieter so it would be easier to get on.  The next stop, there were three strollers waiting to get on! The bus driver had to turn away the last stroller because there was no more room.  There was one small stroller and a large stroller with two seats.

Other passengers had a difficult time getting past my wheelchair and two strollers as we were partially into the aisle. I needed to get off a few stops later but couldn't leave the bus because of how the strollers were placed.  I thought they would need to get off, let me leave, and then get back on the bus. The mothers managed to rearrange their strollers with a lot of effort so that I had just enough room to make it off the bus.

Access Calgary tries to provide for all requested trips so sometimes I share my ride with other passengers; the driver drops off and picks people up along the way. The rides aren't always well put together: the driver may pick someone up who is near my destination and then drop them off farther away before returning to the same area to drop me off.  They could have just dropped me off in the first place and not have to drive around so much!

When the bus is early and the driver is mad at me for not being ready, it can be frustrating.  If you have a twenty- minute window of time when the bus will arrive, the rational plan is to be ready for that time. I don't plan to be ready ten minutes early in case the bus shows up unexpectedly.  On the other hand, the bus can sometimes be really late and then they expect me to wait for them… with tolerance and a side of patience.

If the driver is going to be early or late, it would be nice if Access Calgary could call and let people know. Not to belabour the point, but one time my ride never showed up at all.  It was a winter evening, I was done my shift at a bookstore in a downtown mall, and was waiting for my bus at the mall exit.  I waited and waited and finally went back upstairs to the bookstore and had someone phone the bus company. They said, "Be there in fifteen minutes."

Well, twenty-five minutes later, the mall closed. There was no one I could ask to call Access Calgary for me. I went downstairs to a pub and called again. They said, "Oh, it's on its way."

"You said that last time," I was thinking with significant doubt.  I went upstairs and there was a cab waiting outside. I asked him, "Are you here for me?"

"No, I'm here for someone else but I can't find her."

"Can you give me a ride home? It's late and my bus isn't coming."

The cab driver was very nice and said, "Hop in."

I was lucky that it was a van that could accommodate my wheelchair but I had to pay twenty dollars for a ride that should have been free. During that moment, I didn't care because I just wanted to go home. It is hard enough getting around in a wheelchair, imagine how much harder it is to communicate your needs to people when you have cerebral palsy.

The point is, it’s hard to meet up with friends (or go anywhere, for that matter) when you rely on someone else to take you.

A quick note about transportation (part 1)

As mentioned before, I rely heavily on accessible transportation. While growing up with my sisters, it was very hard for me to watch them go out with their friends while I was stuck at home.  Now, it’s hard to meet friends when my outings have to be scheduled.

When my family first lived in Airdrie, there weren't any resources for families with children with disabilities.  Mom thought it was important to have a society that people could turn to for help.  She was part of the founding Board of Directors for the Crossfield, Rockyview, Airdrie, and Balzac (C.R.A.B.) Society for the Handicapped.

During her seven years on the Board of Directors, she helped to establish accessible transportation in Airdrie and the surrounding area. The C.R.A.B. Society for the Handicapped purchased wheelchair-accessible buses to help out busy families. The few buses that were running quickly became busy, saving wear and tear on parents who would otherwise have to drive everywhere. It allowed them to devote more time to their homes and families. I t also provided transportation for senior citizens and adults with disabilities (whether permanent or temporary).

Airdrie has grown a lot but when I lived there, it was much smaller and didn't have a public transit system.  If you didn't drive or it was too far to walk, you couldn't get from place to place in town.  I relied on the same bus driver to take me to and from school every day from when I was two-and-a-half years old until I graduated from high school.  My bus driver remembers when I was about four years old and I threw a temper tantrum and wouldn't quit screaming.  She took me back home and Dad met us at the door.  Needless to say, he was not impressed with me.  It was the only time I ever misbehaved on the bus.  She also loved to bug me all the time about boys. Her biggest challenge was in understanding my speech but with perseverance, she usually got my story!

When I was eighteen, I moved into a group home in Calgary. Because it’s a larger city, it has better public transportation. I generally use Access Calgary, which has accessible buses that pick me up from my house and take me directly to my destination and back.  Access Calgary is designed for people who are unable to easily take the public system. Personally, the weather and sidewalks make it tricky to take transit, and I need to have a ramp to board a bus or c-train.  Access Calgary is the safest and easiest way to get from point A to point B.  It's very nice to get there in one ride rather than making all the bus and train connections; it cuts down on transit time!