Moving in with my best friend (part 3)

I received funding from agencies to determine my own needs and the best way to meet those needs.  I could pick and hire someone to assist me with cooking, cleaning, and laundry.  Part of the funding process was an assessment interview by an agency representative. She came to the group home for an hour-and-a-half interview that we split over two days. The interview was meant to determine the level of independence I could successfully have living on my own and the amount of support I might require. I didn’t need the twenty-four hour care that the group home provided because I’d be out every day and doing daily tasks on my own.

My mom and Laura warned me to be careful about what I say because if I pretended to need more support than I actually needed, the agency might give me more money. They were also going to be at the interview with me instead of one of my caregivers, because she knew what I could and couldn’t do and she would tell them the truth.

A few days before the interview, I realized how changing my answers to indicate how I needed more support might not work out. The agency might think, “If she needs all this help, why is she moving out on her own?” It all went back to the original plan and my caregiver was with me as I answered the questions truthfully.

I can see how the questions were designed to measure my level of independence but they aren't questions you normally ask people, and were sometimes hard to answer.  Most questions had to do with what I could or could not do in the house on my own. “Do you need help getting dressed?” “Sometimes if I'm in a hurry or with buttons and zippers.” “How long does it take someone to help you with buttons or zippers?” “A couple of seconds.” Other questions like “Do you need support during meals?” or how much support I require, and how long would it take someone to help me out, were hard to answer. It all depends! And I didn’t know how to answer those questions because my mom and Laura told me to be careful. Sometimes I wish it were simpler for me to live on my own.

We had to wait for six months before we heard anything about funding. They said the process would take three months to six months. I was shocked when I finally got the approval.  I was approved but it was twenty-five thousand dollars less than what I was expecting. We thought there must have been an error.  There was no way I could be approved for such a small amount of money.

I thought this would be the end of my dream. For the next couple of weeks I tried to hide how upset I was. I would keep a smile on my face during the day but go home and cry in my room at night. It took a couple of weeks to realize how I hadn't given up on anything yet, and this wasn't going to be the first time things didn’t turn out my way. I fought this decision and tried to find other sources of funding. I knew in my heart that a group home was not for me.

I never stopped going after what I wanted and what I really wanted to do was move out on my own, because after 11 years in the group home I felt like I didn’t belong there anymore. Now, I’ve finally moved out with Laura.   I have more control over my life and I go out with friends and have fun.  It feels like I have my life back and I do a lot more stuff for myself.  That’s what I love.  I don’t like people to do stuff for me because it makes me feel like a baby and it makes me feel like I don’t know who I am or if I belong in the world.  That’s what I don’t want for my life.