Friends and dating (part 6)

Later on, I met a guy at the University of Calgary’s Rehabilitation and Fitness Program for Persons with Disabilities, who was doing his practicum in rehabilitation. He was there working with a client who in the same fitness class as me.

One day, the sun was shining and it was beautiful outside.  While I waited for the bus, I went outdoors to enjoy the weather.  Robert was there waiting for his client’s bus, but I didn't notice that he came outside behind me.  There were a number of people still waiting for their buses as well.  Robert came up to me and we started talking.  I thought he would be leaving once his client was picked up, but he did not.

We talked until my bus arrived. He asked me if I used MSN.  I told him that I did and to my surprise, he offered me his MSN address and asked me to add him so we could talk some more.  This was exciting and so as soon as I arrived home, it was the first thing I did.  I really enjoyed our conversations but I was worried; I kept thinking, he is a “normal” kind of guy and I wondered why he wanted to talk to me, especially since he could have been talking to other “normal” kinds of girls and not one with a disability.

We frequently saw each other at the University of Calgary. We also talked on MSN every night and soon after that, we started talking on the phone. When Robert told me that he was in love with me and wanted a life with me, I felt afraid that he was only saying that because he wanted something more than I could give. I was afraid to answer him because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but at that time, I didn’t feel the same way. I felt like he was just a friend. I wanted to tell him so but I didn't say anything for a while.

A few weeks later, I told him, “Let’s see how long we can go without talking to each other,” but I called him when I got home from my parents’ house. I started to realize that I had feelings for him too, but there was something on my mind that I couldn’t get out of my head. I remember thinking there must have been something wrong with him.  Inside, I constantly questioned why he had feelings for me.

My own feelings grew stronger until I had to let him know that I felt the same way as he did.  We discussed going on an actual date.  This presented itself as a really big hurdle for me because I was living in the group home, and I always needed permission from my parents to go out. They didn’t actually know about Robert yet.

In the end, it didn’t work out between us. Both of us moved on with our lives. Robert will always be in my heart, and I hope he is happy with his life. I still wonder though, if a guy came into my life, would I be scared to share my life with him? Down the road I will open up my heart to the right guy, but not now. I feel like I have everything that I want: I have a wonderful family and amazing friends. I live my life the way I want to and if the right person comes along, that would be great, but if not, I will be ok with that. I’m not sitting around waiting for a relationship; I have a life of my own.