Friends and dating (part 5)

I finally found the courage a year and a half later to break up with him.  One week I went out to the cabin and asked Mark if we could go out on a date when I got back; we had been staying in every weekend and not doing anything.  I asked him to book a bus for us to see a movie or something and left the plans in his hands.  I didn't have much faith and was certain that he would have forgotten to book the bus.

Sure enough, I got home and he had forgotten all about our date.  I was so furious and upset that I broke up with him that night.  Although it was hard to do, I'm very happy I did. I t was too hard being around him; he had changed after Joseph's death and wasn't the same person I used to know.  He stopped wanting to go out with friends and preferred to stay in.  He lost his sense of humour.  I tried putting all the blame for our breakup on myself because I thought that might save our friendship, but I was wrong.

I told myself Mark just needed more time and that he would get better.  I think he was very depressed and removed himself socially from hanging out with people.  I wanted to stay connected though and move forward in my life, and could not be there without having a healthy connection with him.  It was very difficult to remove myself from the relationship and I hoped we could be friends with each other but this was not possible.  Mark did not want my friendship.  I can look back and wonder why I started dating him, but I only know that I am sad for the loss of the friendship more than anything.  

I never imagined that I would ever find friends as good as Mark and Joseph again. As time passed, I realized that friends come and go, and I’m currently content with the friends I have.  I know that to be happy and do well in life, I need to let go of friends who are not there for me and don’t believe in my dreams.

Since moving to Calgary, a lot of friends have entered my life. I have good friends and I hope I can be there for them like they are there for me. To everyone else in my life who I didn't mention by name: thank you for coming into my life! Each one of you has had an impact on me.