I finally found the courage a year
and a half later to break up with him. One week I went out to the cabin and asked Mark
if we could go out on a date when I got back; we had been staying in every
weekend and not doing anything. I asked
him to book a bus for us to see a movie or something and left the plans in his
hands. I didn't have much faith and was
certain that he would have forgotten to book the bus.
Sure enough, I got home and he had
forgotten all about our date. I was so
furious and upset that I broke up with him that night. Although it was hard to do, I'm very happy I
did. I t was too hard being around him; he had changed after Joseph's death and
wasn't the same person I used to know. He
stopped wanting to go out with friends and preferred to stay in. He lost his sense of humour. I tried putting all the blame for our breakup
on myself because I thought that might save our friendship, but I was wrong.
I told myself Mark just needed
more time and that he would get better. I think he was very depressed and
removed himself socially from hanging out with people. I wanted to stay connected
though and move forward in my life, and could not be there without having a
healthy connection with him. It was very difficult to remove myself from
the relationship and I hoped we could be friends with each other but this was
not possible. Mark did not want my friendship. I can look back and
wonder why I started dating him, but I only know that I am sad for the loss of
the friendship more than anything.
I never imagined that I would ever
find friends as good as Mark and Joseph again. As time passed, I realized that
friends come and go, and I’m currently content with the friends I have. I know that to be happy and do well in life,
I need to let go of friends who are not there for me and don’t believe in my
dreams.
Since moving to Calgary, a lot of
friends have entered my life. I have good friends and I hope I can be there for
them like they are there for me. To everyone else in my life who I didn't
mention by name: thank you for coming into my life! Each one of you has had an
impact on me.
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