Making friends

I have friends but it's hard to make friends easily. I'm not like a normal person who can go up to someone and start a conversation.  If I went up to start a conversation with someone, he or she would look at me weird. When I meet people for the first time, they don't understand me. They've already made a judgement about what I can and can't do before they say hello back to me. It's rare to find someone with whom I can share a deeper connection.

Over my life, I have determined that there are a lot of different types of friends.  Some people think that girls and boys can’t be friends because romance seems to get in the way.  I had relationships with guys without romantic feelings, just common interests and respect for each other.  As school kids, growing up, we can make many friends and some are merely acquaintances.  Special relationships can last for years.  These people are our “best” friends. 

People with life challenges or disabilities, as they are more commonly known, can have friendships with people that don’t have disabilities.  I am of the belief that most people have some type of disability—maybe not a noticeable one, but to some extent everyone has a degree of a disability in their life… life is challenging in a variety of ways.

I moved into a group home in Calgary 14 years ago and I have made several friends since then.  Some were roommates, some were participants in recreation programs and some were my caregivers.  When I was in school I had school chums, but not kids that I would hang out with outside of school.  Some of that was because of my disability and the fact that I had mobility issues. 

The reality is I choose to always be surrounded by people who assume the best and I would not want to befriend someone who is a negatively focused person.  Consequently, I have some amazing friends who are in my life because they want to be.  The people who are currently in my life don’t tell me what to do or say because I can make those decisions for myself.  I am my own person and I live my life the way I choose.  I have room in my life for people who want to support me as I support them… friends of all ages from young to old.  In fact, many of my friends are not my own age.  They bring a variety of experiences to my life and a broad perspective to living. There is no better feeling than learning from someone who has already been down a particular road and has the wisdom to light the way.  My friends are of different ethnic backgrounds, and they broaden my horizons and help to fill my life with diversity. 

Inclusivity

Here are my thoughts about the subject of feeling left out or feeling included.  I do not know what my life would be like if I did not have Cerebral Palsy. I only know that I am so proud of myself for what I have accomplished, so ignoring my experiences in life, being me, would take away too much.  I realize now that I am not ashamed of my life challenges.  I am a woman who always tries to get more from life.

For a long time, I felt like an outsider with my disability but now I don't feel that way anymore.  What really matters is being happy in life.  When I'm out with family and friends, I feel loved and included.   Some people who I know with a disability want a relationship with a partner and it seems like that is all they want in their life. If I found someone to share my life with, that would be wonderful but it's not the end of the world if I don’t.  I am not waiting around; I am happy being me.

People who know me know I have goals and dreams that I want for my life. My friends make me feel included in everything we do together.  We enjoy each other’s company no matter what we are doing, like going out to a movie or eating supper. But sometimes when I go out around others, there are people who look at me and they ask my friends what I want rather than asking me. That is when I feel the greatest amount of exclusion.  I believe that many people don't know anything about what it means to live with a life challenge.

Finding my voice

One thing that helped me find my voice early on was speech therapy. Speech therapy started at Dr. Townsend’s Pre-School Multi-Handicapped Play Program, where I had a speech therapist that came in every week.  I learned every letter based on where I put my tongue to sound it out in my mouth but it is still difficult for people to understand me.  When I was in elementary, the special needs class would work on talking to each other.  It was hard at first because I wanted to speak like the other kids and not have them mock me.  

Now I'm used to people having trouble understanding me.  Someone meeting me for the first time initially struggles to understand me and I struggle to communicate with him or her.  I try to put things in another way or even spell things out for them (sometimes that means typing it out because it's too hard to hear the letters properly) but sometimes they still do not understand. Many times, I just want to give up but most things aren't really a big deal.

Even people who have known me for a long time sometimes have trouble understanding what I mean.  My best friend and I were coming back to our hotel after a long day of sightseeing in P.E.I. and I wasn't very hungry but I knew I needed to eat something light. She asked what I wanted. I said, "A bag of cheezies". She looked at me and laughed. I didn't know what was so funny. "A bag of sheep?" she asked. "No,” I said, “A bag of cheezies! Like a bag of chips".   Luckily, we figured out that misunderstanding before she ordered anything!   She wasn't too confident that she could have found me a bag of sheep even if I wanted one.

It's also very hard when I talk with people over the phone because they cannot see my mouth.  I have gotten used to repeating things over and over for people to understand me.  If I ever start getting too frustrated my response is "forget it!" and I let it go.  However, people don't like letting go and they usually keep trying to guess.

Nevertheless, I’m very lucky to have a voice of my own to help me be who I want and to stick up for myself. Sticking up for myself and my rights started when I was in school.